you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
