You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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