That's intense
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
