I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize