doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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