I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
