I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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