I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
