I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
