wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
