Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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