got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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