I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
