Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize