Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
