do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
