So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I could fuck to npr.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
