This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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