Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
