Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize