Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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