He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
