dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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