I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
