First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
