Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
