Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
