I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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