Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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