I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
