Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
