When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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