it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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