You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
