We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We are two peas in an std pod
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
