I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize