Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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