I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
