Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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