He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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