Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
