I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
