Plan B is the new Plan A
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I said "one day" and that day is not today
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize