He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
