LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
