As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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