So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
