I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
