It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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