Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
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