i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
What drink are we having for lunch?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
