I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
