I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
How external is "for external use only"?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
