he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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