her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
