i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
