Porn is love you can see.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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