new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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