O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Randomize
