Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
