Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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