I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My liver just broke up with me...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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