hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My penis needs a shock collar
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
