Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
