Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
