whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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