what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
