quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
