Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
