I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
