I'm gonna have a badass scar
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The best revenge is premature balding
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
